October 2017.

October.

oh god, October.

This was one of the worst months of my senior year. The worst. This was the month that my stepmom caught me sneaking over to the male employee's house, and caught me sneaking the male employee over to our house. This was unacceptable and I understand this now, but I was in so much trouble. I got everything taken away from me, I was degraded and treated like garbage, I was drawn back to feeling worthless and I relapsed after being clean for so long. Cole found it disgusting and he didn't even want to sit beside me. He wasn't even supposed to know about it, I got wraps and wore sleeves and It just really hurt me so much that he found it so...disgusting and ugly that he couldn't even sit beside me. My Dad and my stepmom were fighting over it because they had no idea what to do with me, and they were trying to send me to some hospital or something when they found out that I had relapsed again. But then came my mom. My mom was not okay with the idea of them trying to send me to a hospital YET AGAIN, and freaked out on my stepmom, until they agreed upon the idea of me moving up to live with her....since they could not handle me. My mom called me and told me the news even though she wasn't supposed to and I cried and cried in the garage next to our new baby chickens (that we got before we found out that we were moving away, and eventually we had to sell them to some family). At this point, I had found out about my Godmother, Vickie, being sick. They didn't give me much detail with what was wrong but we just knew that she was sick and that she was in the hospital. ~Quick backstory: so Vickie has always been there for me. When I didn't have my own mom because she was in jail or she was out doing dumb shit, Vickie was there and she took care of me and loved me like I was her own baby. And I will always love her for that. Always. She motivated me and she was so proud of me and she got to really see me grow up.~ On October 30th, 2017 I had found out that she had passed away just a few hours before I started doing my homework. She wasn't getting any better and they had to airlift her to a different hospital she she just passed away. I could not contain myself when my Dad told me this and I errupted into tears, I cried so bad that my lips were trembling and my whole body was shaking. I love her so much and I would never want anything to ever happen to her, nothing at all. But I had to throw that onto the plate of things too. Life was pretty rough in October- but here comes November...