October 2017.

October.

oh god, October.

This was one of the worst months of my senior year. The worst. This was the month that my stepmom caught me sneaking over to the male employee's house, and caught me sneaking the male employee over to our house. This was unacceptable and I understand this now, but I was in so much trouble. I got everything taken away from me, I was degraded and treated like garbage, I was drawn back to feeling worthless and I relapsed after being clean for so long. Cole found it disgusting and he didn't even want to sit beside me. He wasn't even supposed to know about it, I got wraps and wore sleeves and It just really hurt me so much that he found it so...disgusting and ugly that he couldn't even sit beside me. My Dad and my stepmom were fighting over it because they had no idea what to do with me, and they were trying to send me to some hospital or something when they found out that I had relapsed again. But then came my mom. My mom was not okay with the idea of them trying to send me to a hospital YET AGAIN, and freaked out on my stepmom, until they agreed upon the idea of me moving up to live with her....since they could not handle me. My mom called me and told me the news even though she wasn't supposed to and I cried and cried in the garage next to our new baby chickens (that we got before we found out that we were moving away, and eventually we had to sell them to some family). At this point, I had found out about my Godmother, Vickie, being sick. They didn't give me much detail with what was wrong but we just knew that she was sick and that she was in the hospital. ~Quick backstory: so Vickie has always been there for me. When I didn't have my own mom because she was in jail or she was out doing dumb shit, Vickie was there and she took care of me and loved me like I was her own baby. And I will always love her for that. Always. She motivated me and she was so proud of me and she got to really see me grow up.~ On October 30th, 2017 I had found out that she had passed away just a few hours before I started doing my homework. She wasn't getting any better and they had to airlift her to a different hospital she she just passed away. I could not contain myself when my Dad told me this and I errupted into tears, I cried so bad that my lips were trembling and my whole body was shaking. I love her so much and I would never want anything to ever happen to her, nothing at all. But I had to throw that onto the plate of things too. Life was pretty rough in October- but here comes November...

September 2017.

September.
This month was decent as well. Things were going good with school, I was losing a few pounds here and there that helped build my self confidence, and Homecoming was coming up! I had become closer friends with the boy, Cole, and we had even gone out on a date! we went to eat, and then we saw some cool action movie (Atomic Blonde) and...a few other... things happened that I will not elude to explaining. Work was busy, all the time and always, but I was becoming better friends with a male employee that I should NOT have become friends with. He was a bit older than me, and was... actually messing around with another one of the female employee's there...but everyone was told that they were 'just church friends' and that the female employee was reaching out to the male employee for reassurance for her anxiety (total bs) but later on I come to find out that they were actually sleeping together...(oops) but anyways me and this Male employee had become close over the summer and we were starting to become more than friendly. which was not good, it was not a good idea. I had Cole- even though he hurt my feelings sometimes, he was still a totally more acceptable option than the male employee, but I was still not listening to anyone, let alone my own gut feelings, and was on the verge of getting myself into trouble. at this time my dad had told me that he had just got a new job...all the way in New York... so now he would be staying in New York while my stepmom and I would be staying in Georgia, and we would get to see him every other weekend (again total bs) My Dad was like my best friend and he still is but we just have a complicated relationship.. and then comes the worst...October was near...

August 2017.

August.
I started my school year in Loganville Georgia with my happy life. I was a senior in high school, I had a good job at the Domino's up the street, I was involved with my friends and my family, and things were genuinely great.  we actually Had chickens: little Jerry seinfield, daisy dude, marge, wilma, fifi, larry, patrick, and they were honestly my favorite (even though I didn't spend much time with them) but I loved helping my Dad clean out their house and feed them treats and such. I was in the FFA club with my friends and my favorite teacher- Mr. Bryant. He was like my teacher best friend (and still is when I have plant questions) and I loved taking his Agriculture classes. Things with my stepmom and stepbrother were great, we were all getting along and we had a great summer. Azalee and I were never closer! I would go over to her house all the time, she was my second home and I still love her so much to this day. She's always there for me when I need her. I was finally getting settled into my classes and I even met a cute boy named Cole...That's a whole other story, but I definitely had a crush...not for long....September was around the corner. 

To return to the family...

I feel like I could write a whole book, on the story of just High school, and I mean some people do- But I'm not much of a writer, who am I kidding?
Just this year in senior yer it has been a fiasco. I'm going to make posts of recap by the month starting in August (the beginning of my school year) all the way up to the present. Stay tuned...